My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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