I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
