So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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