I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
