I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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