when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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