Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
