AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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