We won't sleep together?
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
im holly from the hills drunk
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
