I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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