We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
