i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
