508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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