Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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