glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
