Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
