I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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