she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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