I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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