i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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