i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
