Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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