I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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