At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
