I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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