make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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