batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm just crazy horny about you
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
