just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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