Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
