Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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