Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
