wrigley field is MILF paradise
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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