the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
