Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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