the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
