Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
