What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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