he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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