the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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