I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
