so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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