Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
