well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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