Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
