i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Don't make out with my wife yet
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
