And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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