Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
