i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
