i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
