okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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