I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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