Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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