I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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