Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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