dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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